Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Holding back

OK so last week was a rough week as you know. But, as always, it passed. Today I went for a run with the goal of beating my personal best. Now to be honest even calling it a personal best makes me chuckle a little because that sounds suspiciously what runners and crazy fit people aim for.

Anyway I did exactly the same run as I did last Monday with the objective of doing it a bit quicker. Before I share my times I would like to reiterate that I am not a runner, the route (5k) is a tough one, full of mud, tree roots, holes made by horse hoofs (perfect for a foot to drop into!), a bloody big hill and quite a few smaller ones. Monday last week I did it in 52.31 today I did it in 49.16. Yes still pitifully slow, pretty sure it wouldn't have taken much longer to walk it,  but still quicker than last week.

However, I could have done it quicker. Did I give it 100%? No I didn't, in fact if I was totally honest I would say I gave it about 80%. There is a big part of me that holds me back when I am running. And it is not my bahooki. It is fear. Yep there I have said it I hold back because I am scared I am going to hurt myself. Now this is ridiculous, I've entered a Spartan for goodness sake, that's just asking to be injured. Thing is I don't mind getting injured in the race, in fact I'm expecting it.

It is also ridiculous because ask me to do cartwheels, summersault on a trampoline, run down a beach with Chloe on my back, play 'dancing on ice' and throw same child around I'll  do it. I'll give 100% effort. I'll not worry about getting injured.

But running, I have the fear. Now I think it is because when I was first diagnosed with hypermobility I was told do not run. Running is not a good idea, you will injure yourself. I think I may have mentioned at the time this was fine with me. But I think it has stuck with me, in the back of my mind I don't want to push myself because it is going to hurt me. I need to get over this.

Now I am a naturally competitive person. Today I set myself the goal to be quicker and I will try using that every time, but will it be enough? I am tempted to join a parkrun but there is also a part of me that doesn't want to be that person hobbling in dead last.

Guess I need to Spartan up!!


  1. Whatever your time, just finishing is fabulous ! Go for it ! xxx

    Thanks for linking up on the Sunday weigh-in

  2. I really think you've made fantastic progress, you were quicker than last week - that is a great leap - you should be completely proud of yourself!

    Sharon xx
    Beauty, Miscellany

  3. Thank you. I WILL keep getting quicker :-) xxx

  4. You're making great progress, keep going, you can achieve anything if you keep your mind to it #WobblesWednesday