Rock and a hard place

So my knee is still a bit knackered. Can't run, jump, it hurts to walk downstairs or just randomly when it takes a fancy, it even popped out when planking the other day. I am being very good and resting it, not doing anything that might aggravate it until I can get a physio appointment.

However, because I am not doing any kind of exercise my other joints are paying the price, so I hurt everywhere. Even peeling a pan of potatoes leaves my hands seized up and in agony.  I am normally a bash on, grin and bare it kind of person but I will admit I am struggling. There have nearly been tears on a few occasions. It feels very similar to the should injury I had a couple of years ago and if I am totally honest that is not 100%, well it is probably not even 70% but it is your shoulder so you can get by. A knee is different. That impacts walking, dancing, everything!

I am having to say no to little miss, no I can't race you up the stairs, no we can't dance around like loons and that is hard. I know I am a bit snappier than usual, although I am trying really hard not to be, my patience is being a bit blurred by the pain and brain fog.

I fully intended to go to bootcamp yesterday and just do what I could, then I realised (after a short walk into town left me scunnered) there really wasn't much I could do!

All I can do is keep my diet in check and eat as well I can so bye bye junk and processed stuff, even though I would like nothing more than to curl up and stuff my face with chocolate.

Sorry for a pretty negative post. Fingers crossed I can get to a physio soon and they can perform miracles and get me out running!

Cheating!

Saturday was a cheat day. We could eat whatever we fancied either for a meal or for the whole day. I was apprehensive, I've been enjoying this healthy eating lark and not struggled anywhere near as much as I thought I would. even under extreme temptation my resolve has remained strong. but what if I started then couldn't stop??

I went for the cheat meal and a treat approach, so stuck with the plan all day. I struggled to think what I wanted, I had no major cravings so went the tried and tested bread, cheese and chocolate!
Tuna and cheese melt baguette, it was nice enough and I do love bread (and cheese for that matter) and yes I enjoyed it. However, it left me feeling bloated and overly full (even though I ate the same amount of calories as I have been eating). I stood for quite sometime at the chocolate counter deciding what to have, nothing really grabbed my fancy, but its chocolate it's all nice, right?

Went for a twirl and (I can't believe I am typing this) had one finger and to be honest that was plenty, it was a bit too sweet and sickly! Obviously I struggled through and ate the other finger - it was a cheat day after all, but I left myself feeling sick!

So it would seem that by cutting out the bad stuff, only a tiny bit will be sufficient to satisfy cravings.

Saturday night was also the first night in the past couple of weeks when I have been kept awake with EDS aches and pains. Now it may well be coincidence but I have noticed an improvement in the general pain levels while I have been on the 'detox'. Hmmmm this healthy eating might just be worth it.

Only 6 days left of the plan, then it is the Spartan Sprint (gulp) and then what? Watch this space.....

Nearly half way

I am on day 10 of the big detox. It is over a week with no bread, no pasta, no cheese, no chocolate, no potatoes... I could go on!

The weekend was a test, I was down at my mums and despite telling her before I was not eating sugar she still made a heap of cake, they all had a big gooey cheesy pizza, two lots of Mr Whippy ice-cream and all sorts of other goodies. I actually stayed strong and didn't cheat - not even a lick of C's ice-cream. All the foods 0 - Willpower 1.

So how is it going? Surprisingly well. I genuinely thought I would struggle, but I'm doing OK. I'm not saying I could do this forever but it has definitely shown me that I do not need to rely on those foods as much as I did. Once the 21 days are over (and I've stuffed my face after the Spartan race!) I think I am really going to try and stick to it 80% of the time. Although potatoes will no doubt make a triumphant return :-)

Here is the thing, I feel so much better. I'm a little bit disappointed as I wanted it to just be the same and then I could justify eating all the yummy foods but alas it is not to be. I am not as bloated and don't have that really full feeling after eating. I'm not hungry but not stuffed, can't move full. Now it has only been 10 days so it could well be coincidence but I have also not had as much EDS pain. It's still there, but has not been as bad. So it looks like eating well really is good for you!

The change in diet has been a bit tough in that it means cooking different meals for the family, whereas we normally just all eat the same. So it has been time for me to really think about me and not everyone else, which has been a bit hard. But most meals we have managed to adapt a bit so everyone is happy. I have also committed to going to bootcamp at least once a week and really trying to make some time for me!

The fact I only have 11 days left, also means I only have 11 days left to the Spartan race, which is a little bit scary! However I have so far raised £250 for EDS which is halfway to my target of £500 so if you are able to donate a few pennies it would be greatly appreciated. https://www.justgiving.com/bendyspartan/
I know that more people are now aware of EDS than at the start of the year so I am happy about that.

Thanks to everyone for there support it really does mean a lot x

Trails and toast

I am a pretty much a glass half full type of girl. I like to be positive, up beat, enthusiastic, to the point of being annoying some may suggest. I don't like to sound like I am moaning, I know there are plenty people who are worse off than me. So it is hard for me to admit when the going get tough but the point of this blog is to raise awareness of EDS hypermobility so I guess I need to be honest too. To admit defeat even. Don't panic I'm not giving up. 

I had a great weekend down at Mum's, although I didn't do any proper training, thanks to the mini personal trainer it was non-stop and I was pleased to still be able to show 'em how it is done on a trampoline! we went to Whinlatter (which I would highly recommend) and walked, ran, jumped and played all day. We had a great time and I kept food in check!

Bank holiday Monday I got up, went out and ran (well with some walking thrown in) 5k, I felt great. it was a really good trail run, along the river with some pretty steep hills thrown in too. I love trails! Toe dislocated for the first 1k or so and my rib popped a bit but in the grand scheme of things I felt great. Went out for lunch made good food choices, I felt positive, strong and ready to take on the Spartan challenge.

Tuesday started OK, I had already decided I would have an easy day exercise wise. Food wise I did fine, but as the day went on I got tired, really tired. Now I am mostly tired, I blame the 5 year old sleep terrorist. But this was like that heavy cloud that comes down and makes you feel a bit like you are walking through syrup, mmmm syrup. Anyway that fog that makes it hard to concentrate, to think and certainly to do anything energetic!

By Tuesday night I was shattered and I hurt - everywhere. Now there are many parts of EDS that I dislike but I think for me this is the worst. Dislocations are horrible but you can say OK I dislocated by *insert body part here* and people understand. But it is hard to explain the severity of the hurt when you just hurt everywhere. I think the only thing I can compare it to is flu, possibly even man flu! Everything aches and stiffens up. Sitting still is agony. Moving is too much of an effort. My hips gave way as I stood up. I was in a proper grump with myself. My hands turned into claws, and while it was funny when it happened in Friends......

Wednesday I resorted to painkillers and toast a sure sign that I am sore! Food was carbilicious rather than nutritious. The pain (and then the painkillers) makes me feel sick. Thank goodness for computers because when I tried to write a hand written note I was very nearly reduced to tears. However, if you had passed me on the street you would not have known anything was wrong - I looked fine. Not particularly glamorous but fine. And I think that makes it so hard to admit how tough it can be because you look OK, but all you want to do is curl up in a ball and have a good cry. Of course, life goes on. I work, I have a family, I can't just curl up in a darkened room until it passes. So there I've said it out loud, it hurt, it was hard, I hate it, it makes me want to cry. Maybe I need to say it more and stop trying to fight it but I probably wont.

Happily it hasn't lasted long and today (Thursday) I feel loads better. Tomorrow I will run. And I'll smile because as tough as it gets on my good days I can conquer the world, as long as I can walk some of the way!

Mojo lost......and found!

It has been a little while, I've not blogged because well I've not had much to blog about if I am honest. I had a good two, maybe three weeks of not much training at all. I was ill, it was the school holidays, work was busy, I had stuff to do, like you know going shopping, watching TV all the really important stuff that we do when we are not doing what we should be doing!

With the realisation that I have less than five months to the Spartan and I am still nowhere near ready, I thought I'd best get back to it. Me and the mister had a night out in Glasgow on Saturday and I got up to go to the hotel gym at 8am on Sunday morning - I know check me out! I spend a lot of the day thinking how easy training would be if I could just get up and go downstairs to the gym, then it dawned on me. I can. Well OK not to a nice air-conditioned fancy pants gym. But in my garden I have a bike, I have a skipping rope, I have a trampoline, I have roller skates, I have hula hoops, inside there are more workout DVDs than I can to mention and at the front door (which leads to a whole heap of running options) there are my trainers. I can go downstairs and go straight to the gym, its just a different kind of gym. Unfortunately I doubt I will return to a delicious breakfast buffet but a girl can't get everything.

So Monday I went for a run, Tuesday I did a DIY circuit mash up in the garden then I went for a run. This was a tough run. First off it was hot - don't worry the situation was quickly rectified and we are back to cold and rain. More of a pain was my lower back and right hip being really unstable for the majority of the run. Meaning my muscles, especially my core had to work a whole lot harder to keep everything in place, it was hard going, I am not going to lie I struggled, I really struggled. As I neared home my left hip, obviously not happy with the amount of attention the right one was getting, decided to protest by popping out, thankfully after a little attention and reassurance it was just as important it popped back in - but I was sore for the rest of the day.

Not one to be deterred Wednesday I went for a run, five minutes in and my toe dislocated and would go back in through wiggling alone. As I sat on the pavement putting it back in, I question what I was doing, is it really worth it? Maybe I should just not bother. But I gave myself a good Man The F**k Up talking too, remembered all the people who are a lot worse off than me, all the people who inspire me (this lovely lady for a start http://blog.spartanrace.com/overcoming-obstacles-amanda-sullivan/) and I popped my toe back in, put my trainers back on and did it. I was faster, I pushed myself further, I felt good, I think I can do this! Don't get me wrong, I hurt, I was falling asleep by 8pm, I am still slow but I can and will do it.

May is EDS awareness month - I hope this blog is telling a few more people about EDS and giving a small insight to what it is like (remember I am pretty lucky with my symptoms) take a look for some more info https://www.ehlers-danlos.org/get-involved/may-awareness-month-2014

Sitting down, standing still, moving forward!

So sometimes it hurts to move but more often it hurts more not to move! Last week I had a two days of sitting in one position for long periods of time (work conference) then a day of standing still (PTA fundraiser) and oh my did it take its toll. I am a fidget, I can't help it, it is all part and parcel of HEDS. Sitting still kills me! I am aware that for other people this is extreemly annoying and do try to minimise it, especially in conference type situations. However, by the end of the three days I was in agony. It hurt to move, it hurt to sit still. So rather than run as normal while Chloe was at swimming I went for the rest option and planned to keep it that way. So thank goodness for my mini personal trainer. We made it until about 14.00 untill she could be contained no longer (she had already been swimming that morning) so a bike ride it was. Except my finders were not working and my bike needed a new saddle. Not one to be easily deterred, little miss declared I could run, and she promised not to go too fast! So an hour later, she kept true to her word and I walked most of it, with the occassional run thrown in I felt......so much better. If it hadn't been for her then I would have lazed around and probably still felt rubbish on the Sunday. So moving is the way forward.

I did however get up at 6.30am, when I was staying in a hotel without the sleep terrorist, to go for a run! I feel like I am dedicated :-)

Got really quite excited as my EDS running vest arrived - you will definately be able to spot me in a crowd! Just need to get it back from the little lady now.

 

But for now I'll just keep on moving forward!

Making progress

So I am quite enjoying this running lark, don't get me wrong it is still being mixed with a good chunk of walking. On Friday I covered 5k in 50 minutes, now this is not fast but it is a start. My toes went early on so I was pretty proud of myself for pushing through. Yesterday I did 5k in 47.33 really happy to see the time come down. If I can do it in 30 mins by Sept I'll be happy.

I am now running/walking 3 times a week, doing a different workout 3 times a week and having one rest day. And do you know what? I am really enjoying it. Today is an enforced rest day (one of my vertebrae has gone out slightly) and I'm a bit frustrated at not doing anything!

I'm enjoying it so much I've signed up for another run in June a bit more of a fun thing but still with mud and obstacles involved, for our local hospice.

Not listening seems to be working, although it is hard to ignore dislocated toes which at the moment my biggest problem. But food wise it is making a big difference to have everything planned out and just eating what is on the list. Not just to stop eating to much and unnecessarily but to eat well. Today the pain in my back is making my feel sick. All I want is toast but I went ahead and eat my planned lunch as it is what my body needs. I'd still kill for a slice of hot buttered toast though :-)

Back and toes aside I am feeling so much better, already I am experiencing less of the achy kind of pain that is always in the background.

Next week will be tough I am away with work quite a lot but will be packing my trainers and will do what I can!

The fog

It is not the fog outside that is hampering my progress, although going out in the freezing fog is not that appealing! But the brain fog. One of the issues with Hypermobile EDS is tiredness. Which sounds a bit pathetic doesn't it? I mean everyone gets tired. I have a 5 year old sleep terrorist so I am permanently at some level of tiredness but when EDS tiredness hits it is on a different level.

This week it hit, I can only describe as being a bit like when you have flu, you  know when everything aches, and you are just so exhausted you could happily cry. Even the thought of actually walking upstairs to go to bed is a bit much of an effort and you think twice about having a drink of water because lifting the glass just seems like an impossible task. So once C has been in bed this week I have barely moved off the sofa, tea has been drunk and not much else has been achieved.

I have stuck to my 30 minutes a day but this has mostly been walking and I really need to up my game. Food wise has not been too bad have resisted the extremely strong urge to survive off toast and toast alone.

On Monday I did venture off the sofa and have a clear out of clothes - I have a vac pack of stuff that is a wee bit too tight, it will be opened at the end of April and my word it had better fit!

So the moral of the story is I need to man up, I genuinely think if I can push myself to be more active through the day I will be less tired at night, if I can strengthen my muscles it will not be as much of an effort to hold everything in place. That's the plan anyway - I'll keep you updated!

Please give me a kick and make sure I move my bahooki!

And so it begins

Well I am now signed up to do the Spartan Sprint! Although having a slight issue getting the team set up but am sure we'll get there.

It is not until September 21st so I have plenty of time but I have a lot to do. The challenges are actually not phasing me too much - yes they are going to be tough. However, the thought of running 5k (I know it is really not far) makes me want to cry a little.

So I am starting gradually, I will do at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. This may be anything from Insanity to a brisk walk, dancing with C (which is more of a workout than you would think, there are a lot of lifts involved) to, gulp, going for a run. But I will do it. Everyday.

Everyone struggles to get motivated to exercise, there is always something better to do, like I don't know, waiting for facebook to update. however, it is extra tough when you are already hurting, the sofa seems like a far better option. After all when you ache all over why would you want to add to it? But, really what is the alternative? Yes sitting on the sofa is and immediate relief but in the long run being fitter and stronger can only be beneficial. So, for now I will be doing my 30 mins a day, by March when I am in the habit and it is, hopefully, second nature, I will start regularly running. yes, me running. Remind me again why I am doing this?

There is no point in getting into the regular exercise habit if I do not eat right. Now overall my diet is not that bad. I don't drink alcohol, mostly drink water, cook most of our meals from scratch, watch sugar and fat intake. I'll not lie sometimes this just means watching chocolate go from packet into mouth :-)

One of the reasons I am doing this crazy race is to show C that you can do anything you set your mind to and to be a positive role model to her. It occurred to me the other day that we do a lot of moaning about advertising aimed at kids and the amount of junk that is sold solely with kids in mind. While I agree there is way too much rubbish out there marketed at kids, actually we are more influential than we know. C helps us decide what to have for dinner when we plan meals and when it is just me & her she gets to pick dinner. Her choice for the past few weeks (except tonight when she went fro haggis) has been salmon, boiled egg, veg and a wee dollop of mayo. This came about because I had it one night when she'd already eaten. As I have been thinking about it if I eat chocolate or MrF has a packet of crisps she will ask for them, but if just asked what she wants she will go for fruit 9 times out of 10.

So as much as I owe it to myself to eat a healthy, balanced (I'm all for the occasional treat) diet, I owe it to my daughter to show her that I make healthy choices.

Linking up with the lovely Autismmumma and #wobbleswednesday http://www.autismmumma.com/2014/01/show-me-the-veggies-wobbleswednesday/