Rock and a hard place

So my knee is still a bit knackered. Can't run, jump, it hurts to walk downstairs or just randomly when it takes a fancy, it even popped out when planking the other day. I am being very good and resting it, not doing anything that might aggravate it until I can get a physio appointment.

However, because I am not doing any kind of exercise my other joints are paying the price, so I hurt everywhere. Even peeling a pan of potatoes leaves my hands seized up and in agony.  I am normally a bash on, grin and bare it kind of person but I will admit I am struggling. There have nearly been tears on a few occasions. It feels very similar to the should injury I had a couple of years ago and if I am totally honest that is not 100%, well it is probably not even 70% but it is your shoulder so you can get by. A knee is different. That impacts walking, dancing, everything!

I am having to say no to little miss, no I can't race you up the stairs, no we can't dance around like loons and that is hard. I know I am a bit snappier than usual, although I am trying really hard not to be, my patience is being a bit blurred by the pain and brain fog.

I fully intended to go to bootcamp yesterday and just do what I could, then I realised (after a short walk into town left me scunnered) there really wasn't much I could do!

All I can do is keep my diet in check and eat as well I can so bye bye junk and processed stuff, even though I would like nothing more than to curl up and stuff my face with chocolate.

Sorry for a pretty negative post. Fingers crossed I can get to a physio soon and they can perform miracles and get me out running!

Back to it

Hello there, yes it has been a while. Sorry. I have not blogged since I did the Spartan. I wasn't sure if I should blog at all, I'm not the best at remembering to do it at the best times of time, but I think I need it.

So the Spartan was amazing and I was full of confidence and bravado for the future. Of being a fit and healthy individual. Then you know things got in the way, I didn't stop running but I certainly haven't been doing as much of it as I should. I've been going to bootcamp when I can and in my head I am still trying to be fit and healthy. I have even signed up to many an event.....

But the scales and my clothes tell the real story, the story of not exercising as much as I could be, of not eating well. Or perhaps of eating too well but definitely eating too much of the wrong stuff.

More importantly my body is telling me the real story. My pain levels have creeped up, more things are popping out.

Carrying around extra weight does not help my hypermobility at all. I know this. So why is it so hard to stay focused, what's that? Cake? Oh ok then thanks very much.

A few weeks ago my knee popped out to the side - it's never done that before! And it has been painful ever since, I know its not right because I am putting strain on my other joints when I am walking. I tried to run the other night and there was just no way, it slid out every time I put my foot down.

I'll be honest this scared me. Not only because I have signed up to the Gelt Gladiator ( a 10k obstacle race this time!) and I really need to be running and training. But what if this is the start of the end? What if I am going to really struggle to be properly fit ever again? Now yes I may well be prone to being slightly melodramatic, I need to give myself a shake!

I am being sensible there is no running for me at the moment but I need to take a stand. I need to shift some of these pounds. And I need to strengthen these joints.

So I am back to blogging, mostly to keep me accountable. I can't just come on here and say yep still being rubbish now can I? I am hoping it will pull me out of the hole I seem to be in both mentally and physically.

I have loved Deliciously Ella for a little time now and have finally ordered her cookbook, I will reduce my sugar intake and up my fruit and veg considerably. I will exercise daily (sensibly within my pain limits) and I will do this!

Cheating!

Saturday was a cheat day. We could eat whatever we fancied either for a meal or for the whole day. I was apprehensive, I've been enjoying this healthy eating lark and not struggled anywhere near as much as I thought I would. even under extreme temptation my resolve has remained strong. but what if I started then couldn't stop??

I went for the cheat meal and a treat approach, so stuck with the plan all day. I struggled to think what I wanted, I had no major cravings so went the tried and tested bread, cheese and chocolate!
Tuna and cheese melt baguette, it was nice enough and I do love bread (and cheese for that matter) and yes I enjoyed it. However, it left me feeling bloated and overly full (even though I ate the same amount of calories as I have been eating). I stood for quite sometime at the chocolate counter deciding what to have, nothing really grabbed my fancy, but its chocolate it's all nice, right?

Went for a twirl and (I can't believe I am typing this) had one finger and to be honest that was plenty, it was a bit too sweet and sickly! Obviously I struggled through and ate the other finger - it was a cheat day after all, but I left myself feeling sick!

So it would seem that by cutting out the bad stuff, only a tiny bit will be sufficient to satisfy cravings.

Saturday night was also the first night in the past couple of weeks when I have been kept awake with EDS aches and pains. Now it may well be coincidence but I have noticed an improvement in the general pain levels while I have been on the 'detox'. Hmmmm this healthy eating might just be worth it.

Only 6 days left of the plan, then it is the Spartan Sprint (gulp) and then what? Watch this space.....

Nearly half way

I am on day 10 of the big detox. It is over a week with no bread, no pasta, no cheese, no chocolate, no potatoes... I could go on!

The weekend was a test, I was down at my mums and despite telling her before I was not eating sugar she still made a heap of cake, they all had a big gooey cheesy pizza, two lots of Mr Whippy ice-cream and all sorts of other goodies. I actually stayed strong and didn't cheat - not even a lick of C's ice-cream. All the foods 0 - Willpower 1.

So how is it going? Surprisingly well. I genuinely thought I would struggle, but I'm doing OK. I'm not saying I could do this forever but it has definitely shown me that I do not need to rely on those foods as much as I did. Once the 21 days are over (and I've stuffed my face after the Spartan race!) I think I am really going to try and stick to it 80% of the time. Although potatoes will no doubt make a triumphant return :-)

Here is the thing, I feel so much better. I'm a little bit disappointed as I wanted it to just be the same and then I could justify eating all the yummy foods but alas it is not to be. I am not as bloated and don't have that really full feeling after eating. I'm not hungry but not stuffed, can't move full. Now it has only been 10 days so it could well be coincidence but I have also not had as much EDS pain. It's still there, but has not been as bad. So it looks like eating well really is good for you!

The change in diet has been a bit tough in that it means cooking different meals for the family, whereas we normally just all eat the same. So it has been time for me to really think about me and not everyone else, which has been a bit hard. But most meals we have managed to adapt a bit so everyone is happy. I have also committed to going to bootcamp at least once a week and really trying to make some time for me!

The fact I only have 11 days left, also means I only have 11 days left to the Spartan race, which is a little bit scary! However I have so far raised £250 for EDS which is halfway to my target of £500 so if you are able to donate a few pennies it would be greatly appreciated. https://www.justgiving.com/bendyspartan/
I know that more people are now aware of EDS than at the start of the year so I am happy about that.

Thanks to everyone for there support it really does mean a lot x

Giving up!

No don't panic I am still doing the Spartan - even after seeing the photos from the London one this weekend which have filled me with absolute terror. Take a look http://www.muddyrace.co.uk/race-reviews/10-amazing-things-you-achieved-at-spartan-race-london/ those monkey bars.............

But no I am not giving that up. However I am giving up sugar (not fruit though), wheat and dairy. You are also not allowed caffeine or alcohol but that's grand for me.

21 days from the 31st of August it is all about the good stuff and not being allowed any of the good stuff. So no toast, no pasta, no chocolate, no cheese!!!!! All of my default I am feeling rubbish, give me the stodge kind of foods.

I am hoping it will mean shedding a few pounds, which has to make those monkey bars easier right? But also to reset my go to foods. I'm not normally one for cutting out complete food groups, however, I have been spending much to much time having a slice of toast, a bit or cheese, a bar of chocolate and I need to get back to these being occasional rather than regular.

I am also interested to see if it makes any difference to my hypermobility. I know too much sugar can result in a flare up for me. I wonder if 'clean' eating will help at all? Is it wrong that there is a part of me that hopes not, I don't want to give up all this stuff completely, forever!!!

It is going to be tough, in fact I reckon this deserves sponsorship almost as much as doing the Spartan :-)

Fair weather blogging!

It would appear I am a fair weather blogger! I have been struggling a lot and if I am honest I am not good at admitting it. So the fact that I am here typing shows I am feeling better. I think when you have a condition that leaves you in pain pretty much all of the time you become really good at putting on a front and looking to the outside world that all is fine. It is hard to let that guard drop because if it does you might just not get back to functioning like a normal human again.

But actually this time it was not so much a really bad flare up, although I have been knackered and things have been popping it wasn't really any worse than normal. It was more of a mental thing.

When I started this the Spartan Sprint was very much the end game. That was what I was working towards, while trying to raise a bit of awareness (and money please feel free to donate https://www.justgiving.com/bendyspartan/) about EDS. Within my circle of friends I have done that, people who have people I their family have been in touch and it has been great to feel like I have aided understanding a little bit.

So the Spartan, well I think that has been part of the problem. With less than a month to go I am not as fit as I wanted to be, although my expectations were perhaps a little unrealistic. I was genuinely concerned about making it round, both because of fitness and the fear of something dislocating. In my head I think I had convinced myself that if I got fit enough EDS would magically heal itself. Hmmmmm that isn't going to happen, you numpty!

So yes I have been struggling, I have still been plodding along and training, maybe not as much as I could have but I have been trying.

Yesterday I went to bootcamp. Now I would like to point out that this isn't a military style shout at you till you cry kind of bootcamp. It is a very lovely group of folk that just want you to do your best. I went. It was a struggle to get there but I went. First off it was blooming freezing, I had a subluxation of the shoulder after dislocating it on Saturday with a heap of muscle pain around it, my back is not 100% aligned and is refusing to go back in and I have the usual dislocating toes. I thought about not going. But I went. I told myself I would modify and I wouldn't do any shoulder stuff. But I was there and I thought well I just try and do as much as I could. I did it, I gave 100% and I completed everything. It might not have looked like it to anyone else but it was a huge achievement for me.

Not only did it get me through bootcamp but it has given me the confidence to believe I can get round the Spartan. I had visions of galloping round the course, leaping over obstacles, gracefully rising to the top of the rope climb. Yeah, there is going to be nothing graceful about me hauling my bahooki round, over and under to get to the finish! But I will get to the finish, dislocations, subluxations it doesn't matter I can push on through and I can do it.

And do you know what the Spartan isn't the end, I have a feeling it is just the beginning!