A new adventure

Well, as is evident from my lack of blogging, things have not gone well! I have been out of running action for 8 months and it would appear it is the end of my very short lived love affair with running. My left knee became more hypermobile, though the physio thought it was something else. Anyway it is stabilized more now but I am on a strict no running regime. Added to the fact that my right knee obviously felt very left out by all of the attention has decided to follow suit, the pain of running is just not worth the benefit, who knows though never say never....

So obstacle course races are now very much out of the equation. To be honest for the last 8 months I have done not very much at all, and I have not enjoyed it. I feel rubbish, I am the size of a small house it can not continue.

The future is low impact.... yep the thought bores me to death. But I have started going swimming once a week, what else though? Walking and cycling are in so that is good. But lets be honest they are not very exciting are they?

So my new adventure is to try some different stuff, it may not always work out and it may not always strictly fit into the low impact category, but I will work within my limits.

What's next then? Gymnastics was my first love, and bizarrely handstands, cartwheels, bridges etc don't cause any pain, I guess my body is so used to doing them that it just naturally accommodates. C's gymnastic club has started a grown up session, a circuit based work out involving a bit of apparatus work and hopefully a good laugh, I am in (well once the ligaments in my wrist recover).

Other stuff I want to try: Street dancing, pole dancing, jiving (are you sensing a theme yet), parkour, horse riding, rock climbing (don't think my fingers will hold up though), circus skills, surfing......

But I'd like your suggestions, what do you love to do? or what have you always fancied doing but never done?

Rock and a hard place

So my knee is still a bit knackered. Can't run, jump, it hurts to walk downstairs or just randomly when it takes a fancy, it even popped out when planking the other day. I am being very good and resting it, not doing anything that might aggravate it until I can get a physio appointment.

However, because I am not doing any kind of exercise my other joints are paying the price, so I hurt everywhere. Even peeling a pan of potatoes leaves my hands seized up and in agony.  I am normally a bash on, grin and bare it kind of person but I will admit I am struggling. There have nearly been tears on a few occasions. It feels very similar to the should injury I had a couple of years ago and if I am totally honest that is not 100%, well it is probably not even 70% but it is your shoulder so you can get by. A knee is different. That impacts walking, dancing, everything!

I am having to say no to little miss, no I can't race you up the stairs, no we can't dance around like loons and that is hard. I know I am a bit snappier than usual, although I am trying really hard not to be, my patience is being a bit blurred by the pain and brain fog.

I fully intended to go to bootcamp yesterday and just do what I could, then I realised (after a short walk into town left me scunnered) there really wasn't much I could do!

All I can do is keep my diet in check and eat as well I can so bye bye junk and processed stuff, even though I would like nothing more than to curl up and stuff my face with chocolate.

Sorry for a pretty negative post. Fingers crossed I can get to a physio soon and they can perform miracles and get me out running!

Back to it

Hello there, yes it has been a while. Sorry. I have not blogged since I did the Spartan. I wasn't sure if I should blog at all, I'm not the best at remembering to do it at the best times of time, but I think I need it.

So the Spartan was amazing and I was full of confidence and bravado for the future. Of being a fit and healthy individual. Then you know things got in the way, I didn't stop running but I certainly haven't been doing as much of it as I should. I've been going to bootcamp when I can and in my head I am still trying to be fit and healthy. I have even signed up to many an event.....

But the scales and my clothes tell the real story, the story of not exercising as much as I could be, of not eating well. Or perhaps of eating too well but definitely eating too much of the wrong stuff.

More importantly my body is telling me the real story. My pain levels have creeped up, more things are popping out.

Carrying around extra weight does not help my hypermobility at all. I know this. So why is it so hard to stay focused, what's that? Cake? Oh ok then thanks very much.

A few weeks ago my knee popped out to the side - it's never done that before! And it has been painful ever since, I know its not right because I am putting strain on my other joints when I am walking. I tried to run the other night and there was just no way, it slid out every time I put my foot down.

I'll be honest this scared me. Not only because I have signed up to the Gelt Gladiator ( a 10k obstacle race this time!) and I really need to be running and training. But what if this is the start of the end? What if I am going to really struggle to be properly fit ever again? Now yes I may well be prone to being slightly melodramatic, I need to give myself a shake!

I am being sensible there is no running for me at the moment but I need to take a stand. I need to shift some of these pounds. And I need to strengthen these joints.

So I am back to blogging, mostly to keep me accountable. I can't just come on here and say yep still being rubbish now can I? I am hoping it will pull me out of the hole I seem to be in both mentally and physically.

I have loved Deliciously Ella for a little time now and have finally ordered her cookbook, I will reduce my sugar intake and up my fruit and veg considerably. I will exercise daily (sensibly within my pain limits) and I will do this!

Fair weather blogging!

It would appear I am a fair weather blogger! I have been struggling a lot and if I am honest I am not good at admitting it. So the fact that I am here typing shows I am feeling better. I think when you have a condition that leaves you in pain pretty much all of the time you become really good at putting on a front and looking to the outside world that all is fine. It is hard to let that guard drop because if it does you might just not get back to functioning like a normal human again.

But actually this time it was not so much a really bad flare up, although I have been knackered and things have been popping it wasn't really any worse than normal. It was more of a mental thing.

When I started this the Spartan Sprint was very much the end game. That was what I was working towards, while trying to raise a bit of awareness (and money please feel free to donate https://www.justgiving.com/bendyspartan/) about EDS. Within my circle of friends I have done that, people who have people I their family have been in touch and it has been great to feel like I have aided understanding a little bit.

So the Spartan, well I think that has been part of the problem. With less than a month to go I am not as fit as I wanted to be, although my expectations were perhaps a little unrealistic. I was genuinely concerned about making it round, both because of fitness and the fear of something dislocating. In my head I think I had convinced myself that if I got fit enough EDS would magically heal itself. Hmmmmm that isn't going to happen, you numpty!

So yes I have been struggling, I have still been plodding along and training, maybe not as much as I could have but I have been trying.

Yesterday I went to bootcamp. Now I would like to point out that this isn't a military style shout at you till you cry kind of bootcamp. It is a very lovely group of folk that just want you to do your best. I went. It was a struggle to get there but I went. First off it was blooming freezing, I had a subluxation of the shoulder after dislocating it on Saturday with a heap of muscle pain around it, my back is not 100% aligned and is refusing to go back in and I have the usual dislocating toes. I thought about not going. But I went. I told myself I would modify and I wouldn't do any shoulder stuff. But I was there and I thought well I just try and do as much as I could. I did it, I gave 100% and I completed everything. It might not have looked like it to anyone else but it was a huge achievement for me.

Not only did it get me through bootcamp but it has given me the confidence to believe I can get round the Spartan. I had visions of galloping round the course, leaping over obstacles, gracefully rising to the top of the rope climb. Yeah, there is going to be nothing graceful about me hauling my bahooki round, over and under to get to the finish! But I will get to the finish, dislocations, subluxations it doesn't matter I can push on through and I can do it.

And do you know what the Spartan isn't the end, I have a feeling it is just the beginning!

Holding back

OK so last week was a rough week as you know. But, as always, it passed. Today I went for a run with the goal of beating my personal best. Now to be honest even calling it a personal best makes me chuckle a little because that sounds suspiciously what runners and crazy fit people aim for.

Anyway I did exactly the same run as I did last Monday with the objective of doing it a bit quicker. Before I share my times I would like to reiterate that I am not a runner, the route (5k) is a tough one, full of mud, tree roots, holes made by horse hoofs (perfect for a foot to drop into!), a bloody big hill and quite a few smaller ones. Monday last week I did it in 52.31 today I did it in 49.16. Yes still pitifully slow, pretty sure it wouldn't have taken much longer to walk it,  but still quicker than last week.

However, I could have done it quicker. Did I give it 100%? No I didn't, in fact if I was totally honest I would say I gave it about 80%. There is a big part of me that holds me back when I am running. And it is not my bahooki. It is fear. Yep there I have said it I hold back because I am scared I am going to hurt myself. Now this is ridiculous, I've entered a Spartan for goodness sake, that's just asking to be injured. Thing is I don't mind getting injured in the race, in fact I'm expecting it.

It is also ridiculous because ask me to do cartwheels, summersault on a trampoline, run down a beach with Chloe on my back, play 'dancing on ice' and throw same child around I'll  do it. I'll give 100% effort. I'll not worry about getting injured.

But running, I have the fear. Now I think it is because when I was first diagnosed with hypermobility I was told do not run. Running is not a good idea, you will injure yourself. I think I may have mentioned at the time this was fine with me. But I think it has stuck with me, in the back of my mind I don't want to push myself because it is going to hurt me. I need to get over this.

Now I am a naturally competitive person. Today I set myself the goal to be quicker and I will try using that every time, but will it be enough? I am tempted to join a parkrun but there is also a part of me that doesn't want to be that person hobbling in dead last.

Guess I need to Spartan up!!